I do have a future

If I could go anywhere, do anything, how would I push forward into that great dream? Hmm. That question has been gnawing at me for the last several months. I have no desire to trudge forward in relative frustration constantly wondering what it would be like. I have been injected with this idea that anything is possible. This “land of opportunity” where I live has everyone thinking that all it takes is some hard work, perseverance, and some good luck in order to achieve that ever elusive dream that haunts all of us who desire more. Is it true? Is there really and truly a moment in life when everything starts mysteriously falling together? If so, it feels like it’s a long way off.

I feel trapped by this idea of opportunistic advancement towards some ethereal and idealistic hope. I bought a home several years ago convinced that it was the “next step.” Now I’m trying to sell the darned thing because it is seemingly standing in the way of the “next step.” Foolish? Perhaps. But I suppose that I cannot be overly consumed with where the past has brought me. It has brought me here with a purpose. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to see this “next step” without having attempted the previous move? Mere speculation I suppose. But how can I believe that this next step is really a step forward and not some cowardly, retreating move brought on by challenging circumstance? If only I could see 10 years down the road. That would be helpful.

Would I make the same decisions if I could see into the future? Well, I have to guess that I wouldn’t. I would want to get to the ultimate destination much faster, so I would make choices to fast-track myself. When I look into my past, I know that I would not have done somethings or gone some places if I’d known where I would be sitting ten years in the future. I wouldn’t have gone to that school. I would have spent more time learning about rather than . So I guess the next question I have to ask myself is: do I like where I am? Am I pleased with where I am currently sitting on this road we call life? Honestly? Yes, emphatically. I have a gorgeous wife who loves me. I have a job that pays the bills. I have people all around me who encourage me and believe in me. I have an education (whatever that’s worth, hehe). I have a God who is right there beside me; I know that full well.

So, who am I to say that I know better? Who am I to say that this “next step” is not a move forward? Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. But that is not the point. The point is, am I living where I am? Am I focusing on the moment, allowing my heart and mind to delve into all that is “now?” If not, I suppose that I will become so preoccupied with the “then” that I will have skipped right passed the cool stuff that has been placed in the road, stuff that I should be picking up and placing in my bag for use further down the road.

I think our “land of opportunity” idea has it wrong. We do not achieve our dreams by more work, more persistence, and “better luck next time.” We reach our truest dreams when we revel in the moment, soak in the joy of today, and expectantly look toward tomorrow with full confidence.

I do have a future.

Thinking about Thinking about Thinking

I recently found a new book that I like. And that is significant due to the fact that I do not submit my mind to reading crap. Bookstores are filled with books promising "Seven Steps to 30 Minute Abs!" and books that were simply published because it is hip to write a book. But I found a gem of book.

If you know me, you know that I think a lot. In fact, there is rarely a moment when my mind is not contemplating something. But I've often felt that my thinking is futile. It hasn't let to anything constructive and I find it difficult to discuss my thinking with others; the words just don't fit with what's going on upstairs. When I read this odd little book, my mind immediately grabbed hold of this new way of thinking. I'm not going to reveal Don Everts message here, so go pick up the book. It's only $7.

Just not right . . .

I am having one of those days where things are just not right. I can't quite pin what it is. I feel melancholy, but can not seem to put concrete words behind that feeling. I can only say that I have this feeling that things are just not what they are supposed to be and I feel caught in the middle of it. Confused? So am I. It is hard to explain. It is just that I am looking at my life and the things around me and the situations I am interacting with and well, it just doesn't feel 'good' to be in the midst of it all right now. I don't know exactly why. Can anyone relate? Does anyone else have days like this? Days of undefined "yuckiness" - where you know things aren't right, but feel powerless to make them so? Maybe it's just me. ?

Thoughts on Time and "God's Will"

I was reading a blog from a friend of mine, Ryan (http://ryanhewitt.wordpress.com/), earlier today on "Time." (Check out his blog, it is pretty cool!) Anyway, it got me thinking about time myself, and how we (Americans) use it to accomplish things (mostly through work), things that don't really matter for anything. We run and run and run to nowhere - like a hampster in a wheel. I think that there are few people who die and actually leave a legacy, a mark, something that is bigger than themselves and their own enjoyment/fulfillment. That is a sad fact if you think about it. We mistakingly think it (time) is for us and that is just not the case.

I think that we, as Christians, further transfer our misuse/misunderstanding of time onto our perspective of "God's will." Any Christian has heard about this concept, most of us have heard too much. It seems that people take this idea of "God's will" and connect it with their concept of time and their use of it to accomplish things. They forget that God is outside of time and it seems to me that His will for us has nothing to do with what we do in terms of a job to make money. That is just what we have to do to live here. To limit our concept of "God's will" to that of an occupation is to limit God. He does not care about our occupation, He cares about us . . . relationship with us. The way I see it, if we are in relationship with God, then we are in His will. Why then do people make such a big deal about being "in" God's will in terms of what they will do? I only see one reason - they are insecure in their relationship with God and the fact that that is enough. If they did nothing else here on earth, He would still say "Well done," because He got what He wanted - them.

As my church has been reading through Galatians - Paul's cry to the early church against adding a "to do" list if you will to salvation and the Grace of Jesus Christ - I have been realizing that we are not so very different. It shows up in people's limited view of being in/out of God's will. They simply cannot accept that there is nothing else they have to do in terms of being right with God. Salvation is not: believe in Christ AND DO, do, do "for" God. No. It is simply to believe and BE in relationship with God. I say, don't worry, He will take care of the rest. We don't serve a God who "needs" us, but we do live in a world full of people who need to know Him. I don't see that it matters what we do for "tentmaking" to support ourselves and our families, as long as we are sharing the Love that we know and the One who gave us that Love, nothing else matters. That is the legacy I want to leave.