Stupid Quarter-Life Crisis

I've heard of it and even scoffed at it, thinking that I was beyond the reaches of something so dramatic. "Quarter Life Crisis" sounds like something counselors made up to diagnose people who don't fit in any other category...but still have a problem. Well, that's me now.

I've recently been frustrated with where I am, what I'm doing, and what the future holds (whatever it is). There have recently been a lot of changes for Allie and me; I'm tired of change. From selling one of our cars, to attempting a move to Vermont, there are so many unknowns and so many cases of "I don't know!" that I'm wondering what God is doing. Nobody told me that this stage of life would be so hard.

Allie and I are committed to following God wherever He leads. We both have a desire to use generosity to those around us to exhibit God's grace and love towards all of us (call it evangelism if you want). We are committed to getting out of debt and ridding ourselves of stuff. We want to be free to do what the early church practiced so practically and the current church is so far from – uninhibited generosity. Not simple tithing, but generous open-handed giving.

So pile all of what my crazy head is dealing with right now – wishing I was out of my twenties – and Allie's and my desire to not settle for mediocre spirituality, and I feel a little like what that picture above looks like.

And I thought I was done with struggles of the adolescent.

Change

I like and I don't like change, if that makes any sense.

I like it because it gives me hope, life is not stale, stagnant, there is something new and exciting on the horizon. But . . . the 'something new and exciting' also causes anxiety and is part of the reason why I don't like change. I listen to the Lord's nudgings, I act, but then I end up with this feeling of uncertainty when I am in the middle of the change. You know the place where you have let go of the old thing, but have not yet seen the new thing? That place is scary for me. Yet, that is the place God calls us to again and again. That is right where he wants us. That is so God. He asks us to take steps, make changes and let go before he unvails the new (I remember the character "Much Afraid" in Hannah Hurnard's allegorical story, Hinds Feet on High Places).

So I am in that place now. Chris and I are in that place. We are slowly letting go of Colorado Springs and the things here - we will end our time with The Gathering youth this June, we sold Chris' jeep yesterday, we put our house on the market last week, and so on. God has called us to somewhere else, to do something else. We know the place - Vermont, but not the thing. This change is exciting because we both love Vermont and see the potential for loving on people there, but is is also hard to not know what we are moving to. I suspect that as we continue to let go here, things will become clearer about there. I hope. In the meantime, it is hard to be in-between.