So Chris and I find ourselves in this weird, almost surreal place right now. We kind of know what we want for our life together in terms of the big picture - to live in Vermont, be a light in an area that largely does not know Christ, have stable jobs with decent pay, benefits and V/T, both work part-time or have summers off (Chris full time when our kids are young), have some kids together, adopt some kids, spend some time overseas doing missions, live debt free, help youth overcome the myths / misinformation that they are bombarded with. These things we know. But the how in terms of what we will do for work to achieve these ends remains a big mystery to us.
Over the almost 9 months that we have been married, we have both moved away from what we call ministry work - not just in a church setting, but in a non-profit setting as well. The kinds of jobs where your work blurs easily into your life outside of work because of the emotional burden that the stuff you see puts on you. These jobs have become un-appealing. Chris' time at The Gathering and Family Life Services have mainly been the cause of our current feelings about this line of work. They have left us mixed up. Chris has the skills/talent for youth work, this is clear, but youth work in a church is not conducive to married life, and his work with the youth at Family Life Services is very hard to leave at work because, well, Chris can feel. Also, in both settings, we could never give enough - they always demanded more and more of us. We had the idea at one point for him to go for a Masters/Ph.D in Social Work so that he could work with the Foster Care system in a more impactful way (we felt a nudging about this), but now are doubting that that would be emotionally sustainable. I still see such a huge desire in him to impact youth, specifically boys. The need is so great right now though, that we cannot figure out how to be involved in change in this area without it sucking the life out of us.
I feel like we are on an island together with a "life raft" (our skills & talents) at our disposal to help people. Each time Chris and I venture off the island in our life raft to bring these talents to those who need them, we are sucked dry so quickly that we end up back on the island - confused about what to do, feeling like we were wrong in our timing. It exasperates us that we go out there trying to help people, but there are so many desperate, needy, drowning people that in trying to help them, they nearly capsize our raft every time. We feel like God has made our strengths very clear to us, but cannot find clarity in how to use them, when to use them, or for what end. For both of us, in whatever we do, we desire to bring Christ to the people we interact with. We are leaning towards finding "normal jobs" that don't suck us dry emotionally so that we have some energy left after earning some money to connect Christ with people in our lives. But for both of us, trying to think of what we will do for "normal" non-people helping/ministry oriented jobs is like trying to run up a waterfall. Everything in us pushes us to help people. Chris' name means "Follower of Christ," and mine means "Helper of Mankind." God did not bring us together by accident. We feel we have been comissioned by God to do something specific with our combination of talents, but what the heck is it?
